What Lies Beneath
by Tvist
Summary: Jay's hands are sweaty. Sitting in the waiting room at the police psychiatrist's office. Mandatory counseling, despised among many police officers, even if it's supposed to help them. Aftermath story, set after Life is fluid (s03.e01). Brofeels and angst.
1. Chapter 1

**AN. Just a short story set after episode 1 of season 3. The show seemed to forget that Jay was tortured. In ep 2 there was no trace of anything that had happened to him. It's a gold mine for fanfic. **

**I'm late to this party I know but in my country we just got season 5;-)**

Jay's hands are sweaty. Sitting in the waiting room at the police psychiatrist's office. Mandatory counseling, despised among many police officers, even if it's supposed to help them. Debriefings after traumatic experiences are meant to be helpful.

He's been here before, after fatal shootings. Jay's always been a bit nervous, like he's afraid he'll fail. Even if the doctor has told him he can't fail, it's not a test, it's to take care of him, to be sure he's alright.

Hoping this will only be a one-time thing, Jay looks up so fast his neck hurts when the door to her office opens.

"Oh, hey, you're here already detective…give me a minute and I'll get you in okay?"

Jay nods, he's early, it's a habit born in the army, to always be on time. He gets up to walk, burn away some nervous energy.

He's been doing alright, he was discharged after 24 hours of observation at Med, after that he's been on medical leave, it's been a week. Wounds are healing nicely, the cut on his forehead will only leave a small scar, the concussion wasn't too bad. The black eye is turning green, less visible when he looks in the mirror. The electrical burns are itching, Will says it means they are healing.

Jay is wandering back and forth for a while, the receptionist looking up at him as he passes for the third time, a sad smile on her face, makes him reconsider walking, and turn back towards the chair he's been sitting in.

The door to the office opens just as he's butt hits the chair, he stands up fast, making himself a bit dizzy in the process, the periphery of his vision fills with a few black spots.

"Detective Halstead come in." the doctor says with a friendly smile, holding the door open for him as he walks into her office.

Jay shivers a bit, regretting the thin cotton shirt he's wearing, but he knows deep down it's the adrenaline causing his body to react. His hands are cold, and there's a cold sweat on his back that puzzles him. He's not really the nervous kind, a former Army Ranger, used to covert operations behind enemy lines, hours in the dark as a sniper waiting for his mark.

"Sit, please," she says as he stops in the middle of the room, not sure where to head. He sat on the couch last time, so he chooses the seat as far away from the chair she's sitting down in as possible. They've met before, she obviously remembers him.

She has a file in her hand, opening it, Jay can see the Chicago Med logo on the front. It shouldn't surprise him that she has his medical file, but it still makes his heart beat a little bit faster.

"How are you doing detective?" The question is open, Jay can answer freely, she wants him to talk.

"Uhm…I'm alright, mam." He goes for a short answer, adding the mam is a reflex instilled in him years ago.

She looks up at him with a slight smile on her face, "you can cut the mam Halstead, now be honest with me."

He clears his throat before he answers, his throat dry," Ah…I think I'm doing okay, ready to get back to work…getting a bit restless, you know?" Looking up at her he can see that she's looking at pictures, and he knows there's pictures of his injuries in the file. Detailing everything, cataloguing the torture.

"Yeah? Restless? Anything else?" She challenges him, looking back up at Jay.

Jay feels like he said something wrong when she repeats the restlessness, asking for more.

"Ah…nothing, I feel fine," he knows his tone is starting to sound defensive, and tries to reign it in, but he knows she noticed it as well.

"How's the head, it says here you suffered a grade 2 concussion, any headaches or nausea?"

"No, nothing like that, ribs still hurt a bit, but it's getting better," Jay gives her something, feeling like he has to.

"Still taking the pain meds for them?" She asks, looking straight at him, wanting to see his face when he answers.

Jay stalls, looks down at his hands, "no, I don't, I stopped after a few days, made me feel loopy." He smiles at her, hoping she will stop her train of questions.

"Yes, well, they can make you feel a bit detached." She looks at him intently, "any nightmares Jay?" Using his first name makes him feel a bit trapped.

"Ah…well, maybe a few, but it's not a problem."

She looks at him, waiting for him to tell her more but he still doesn't know what to say, nightmares are his normal. He's had them for years, sporadically, not every night, but maybe once a month or maybe two, but he's used to it.

"The first night at home, uhm…that's why I quit the painkillers, they make them worse, you know." He regrets telling her as he can see she feels like she has something to hang on to. Her pen writing something on the notepad she picks up from the table. His medical file still in her lap.

"Tell me about the dreams," she looks at him expectantly.

Jay has never understood the point of rehashing what his mind cooks up during sleep. Doesn't understand how that might possibly help him.

The dreams are sometimes vague, he only wakes up with a feeling of panic, the bitter taste of adrenaline in his mouth and his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest.

Other times they are in high definition quality down to the splatter of blood in the sand and the screams.

The different variations his brain can come up with is not unlimited, there are some things that repeats themselves. Sounds and colors, the feeling of terror.

There's a flash of pain in his chest suddenly as his mind conjures up a fist hitting him. He startles, looking up at the doctor, remembering where he is.

"You alright Jay?" He realizes he's zoned out on her. Not answering her question.

"Uh…yes, sorry." He feels sheepish, like he's done something wrong.

"I think you just had an intrusive memory Jay…" She scoots forward in the chair, leaning towards him, intent on getting him to look at her.

"What? No…I was just, you know, thinking." Jay tries to brush it away.

Silence, making Jay feel uncomfortable, she's watching him, waiting him out.

"Uhm…okay, maybe…." Jay looks down at his feet, he can't seem to stop fidgeting, his hands sweaty, drying them against his thigs.

"You might not know it or recognize it, but you are experiencing symptoms of acute stress," She raises her hands, stopping him from interrupting her, as he's about to protest. "Listen, it's normal, nothing wrong about it, it doesn't mean anything else then that you are coping with what you've been through."

"Oh…well, I've been through worse than this, you know?" Jay was trying to make her understand that he's fine.

"Yes, I know, but listen. We need to make sure you're healthy before I clear you for duty."

"I'm fine, I'm ready…" Jay feels desperate, he can't stay home any longer, he's already climbing the walls.

"Have you talked to Lindsay yet?" She shifts gears so fast his head spins. What does Erin have to do with anything?

"Well, I'm not allowed back to work yet…so no, not really…"

"She was the one who got you out of there right?" Jay nods, she was, he still had trouble believing it had been her.

"Who have you talked to about what happened?"

"Uh…Will?" Jay hasn't really talked to anyone, he's been a bit moody, and going down to Molly's while on medical leave feels wrong. He doesn't really enjoy company at the moment.

"I want you to come back Friday. I'm not clearing you yet. Next time we're going to work through what happened."

Jay sighs, he'd hoped to be cleared today, at least for desk duty. He rubs his forehead as he tries to think up something, to make her understand that he doesn't need this.

"Lean on the people around you Jay," the doctor smiles at him. "You need to, I know you've been through worse, and that's the reason why I'm being cautious."

"Okay, fine…Just tell me what I can do to get cleared." Jay tries to shift gears too; he needs to know what she wants from him.

"Take some time, we'll work through it. Don't rush it, you'll be fine." Her voice is filled with sympathy, as she gets up and walks over to sit beside him on the couch. Her hand on his back, supportive.

"Lean on your team, talk to Will." She says, as she gives him some time to accept her decision.

Disappointed, Jay gets up from the couch. He feels spent, like he's been there for hours, even if it's only been 45 minutes.

"Talk to Sara and schedule an appointment for Friday, call me if you need to Jay."

He nods at her as he opens the door to leave. Walking out of her office he walks over to the receptionist to make his appointment when he sees her.

He can't believe his eyes. "Erin?" She rises from her seat across from the desk. She looks unsure of herself, but she looks better than the last time he saw her. Him in the back of an ambulance almost beaten to death, her exhausted with blood on her hands.

He shakes the disturbing memory away and walks over to her. Somehow, they end up in a hug. Her head under his chin, her hands grabbing the back of his shirt. He grunts from the pain in his ribs but holds her back when she tries to move away from him.

"You okay?" She asks, her words muffled as he's holding her close.

"Better, now that you're here."

**Tbc?**

**AN2: I don't know if I'll write more of this, no promises. **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: We're going back in time for this! **

Will was feeling frantic. Maggie standing beside him holding on to his arm, stopping him from entering the room where Ethan Choi was currently treating his brother.

"Nope, Will, you're staying here with me, let Choi do his thing, then you can see Jay." Maggie stepped in front of Will in order to stop him, as he was about to break back into the room.

Will had seen Jay at first when he'd been brought in, looking like he'd been beaten into a pulp. Jay had been missing for 24 hours, Will hadn't slept, pretty sure he had lost his brother. Seeing him alive he'd felt relief but seeing his bloody and beaten form, that hadn't lasted long.

Maggie had pushed him out of the room as Jay was beings assessed and treated. He had a right to some privacy and Will was there as a brother, not a part of the staff. Will had gotten a glimpse of his brother's injuries as they'd cut his clothes off and put him in a gown.

"Choi will come and talk to you when he's ready, let's get you someplace to sit Will." Maggie dragged him across the corridor towards the doctor's lounge. Pushing him through the door.

"Now, sit! Someone will come get you when you can see Jay."

It felt like a lifetime, but Choi finally showed up in the doctor lounge. Looking at Will with a grim expression on his face, he updated Will on what injuries Jay had sustained and his treatment and plan for observation.

Jay had been put through torture, electrical burns on his chest and abdominal wall, deep bruising, contusions to his head, back and abdomen. He was stable, no signs of circulatory shock or respiratory distress but he was going for a CT to rule out any internal bleeding.

"So, can I finally go see my brother now?" Will asked, as Choi paused in his explanation.

"Yes, I'll come with you…but Will, he was tortured, just…. you know…remember that," the statement made Will stop in his tracks, turn and look back at Choi.

"I've given him some morphine for pain, and he's on IV fluids and antibiotics, just, remember he's a bit, you know…out of it, might be a bit confused." Choi looked down at the floor as if he was betraying Jay's trust by saying what he did.

"What do you mean Ethan?" Will was confused, what was he trying to tell him.

"Will, your brother's been through hell, he's also a former soldier, Ranger no less… he might have a reaction, you know, triggers…"

Will was surprised, he knew Jay had struggled when he came home from Afghanistan, but to the point where he was suffering from post-traumatic stress? Really?

"Uh...yeah…yes, of course," Will nodded, feeling like a jerk, he hadn't really thought about it for a long time. Jay was usually so closed off he had a hard time talking to him about the past, their mother dying, their father, Jay's service in the military.

Choi followed Will to where Jay was now lying in a hospital bed sleeping. He looked exhausted, his pale complexion making him look sick. Nasal cannula administering oxygen snaking behind his ears, the leads monitoring his heart and breathing peeking up from under his gown. Two large bore IV's were piercing the skin in the crook of each elbow, one connected to a bag of clear fluids hanging from the pole by the bed. Bag with urine, tinged pink with blood hung under the side of the bed, kidney contusions, Will deduced.

Will had to stop and just look at him, the mess that was his brother lying there, at least he was alive. He pulled one of the rolling chairs along and sat down beside Jay, keeping silent so he wouldn't wake him up. Not touching him so he wouldn't startle him.

"He's going to be okay you know," Ethan said, patting Will's shoulder, as he left the brother's alone.

Will watched his brother sleep, shifting between studying the monitors and Jay's sleeping form under the blankets. Jay was reclined on his back, but not flat, head turned to the side, facing Will. Right arm crossed his abdomen, like he was protecting himself. He stirred, but he didn't wake up.

Will could hear voices outside the glass door of his brother's room, thinking it was time for the CT scan and for his brother to be admitted to the ICU.

There was a knock and then Voight was waving his hand at Will to come over and open. That Jay's boss didn't just let himself inside was interesting to Will as he knew Voight usually did whatever he wanted.

"Hey, how's he doing?" Voight asked when Will opened to doors.

"Sleeping, exhausted. Choi dosed him with some morphine." Will shrugged his shoulders not sure how much to divulge.

"Yeah? So, no lasting injuries then?" Voight looked past Will at Jay, trying to see for himself.

"He's going for a CT scan to make sure, but he's stable…. What happened?" Will felt a wave of anger surge. How had his brother ended up here?

"He was undercover Will, we lost him, I'm really sorry," Voight seemed sincere.

Will exhaled, his anger wasn't good for anything right now, it would feel good to blame someone, it was something he could do, as he couldn't do much for Jay right now.

"Yeah, well he's going to need some time off," Will started to close the door, wanting Voight gone.

"Of course, he'll be on medical leave for a while. Tell him I stopped by, and that Erin's staying with me for a while."

Will nodded, he knew Erin and Jay had broken up, that she'd gone off the rails, his brother had been worried sick about her.

"Okay, I'll let him know, but Voight… he's off limits for a while." Will knew Jay would protest if he'd heard him, but Will didn't want anyone near his brother right now.

"Alright Will," Voight looked at Will with what could pass for sympathy.

Sitting back down beside Jay's bed his brother started to stir, a groan escaping as his head turned, hands moving up to his ribs.

"Jay? Easy, you awake?" Will really needed to talk to him, so he was hoping he was waking up.

Standing up so that he could see his brother better, he leaned closer, hoping to see Jay open his eyes.

"Hey, Jay, you're okay," Will could see Jay trying to keep his eyes open, but he couldn't keep his lids from closing for more than a few seconds at a time.

"You're at Chicago Med…you with me Jay?"

"Yea…" Jay mumbled, tired eyes finally open, searching the room, before finally finding Will.

Will smiled at Jay's drugged state, he seemed so out of it. "Ethan gave you some pain meds, that's why you feel so groggy."

"Oh… Okay, jus…so tired…" Jay was struggling to stay awake.

"That's alright, you can sleep Jay, just wanted to say hi." Will knew it was selfish to not let Jay rest.

"Hi," Jay said with a crooked smile on his face, calming Will down a bit.

Will patted Jay on the head, smiling back at him.

"Hey there…good to see you, how'd you feel?"

Jay seemed to take stock of his body, looking down at himself, moving his legs under the blankets. "Sore," he concluded.

"Well, you're pretty banged up, Choi ordered a CT scan, they're taking you up there soon, then you'll be admitted for observation." Will relayed Ethan's plan for Jay.

"Oh…but I'm okay…" Jay said, a frown on his face.

"Just making sure Jay, alright, get some rest, I'll stay until they get you to your room upstairs." Will sat down, his hand resting on Jay's arm, keeping a connection.

Jay lost his battle with the drugs, dragging him under, smoothing everything out, before he had a chance to ask about Erin.

Will stayed, following Jay when he went up to Radiology, then to the ICU where they made sure he got another dose of pain medication almost before he could wake up again.

When Choi found Will there at midnight Will was ordered to go home and get some sleep as well. The scans were fine, no internal bleeding, just bruising, no kidney lacerations. If Jay would stay the night for observation, barring any complications he'd be discharged the next evening.

"Come back tomorrow, he's in good hands, I've put in as needed orders for more morphine and some a short acting benzo, he'll be resting tonight Will."

Will nodded, he was exhausted too, hadn't gotten any sleep last night, his body was screaming for some downtime in a bed.

Leaving was hard but he finally managed to get going at 1 a.m. having spoken to the nurse taking care of Jay, telling her to call him if anything happened.

**Hopefully I didn't confuse anyone with my jump back in time. There's more written of this if there's interest in more. Tbc?**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: So, I'm not a shipper, I just love the characters, I don't really have any favorites, besides the Halstead brothers:-) . It was always so strange how Erin never seemed to know anything about Jay's past... She was seeing dr. Charles after her ordeal, Jay...nothing... There's a lot of backstory to explore and fill in;-).**

He hadn't answered her when she'd asked him if he was okay, just told her he was glad it was her that was sent in to get him. She'd been dazed, the adrenaline dump was making her falter, the blood on her hands making it hard to see straight.

The sticky blood could have been his, or even hers, they'd almost been killed. Erin had killed a man with her bare hands.

Voight had conditions she had to accept for her to be able to return, she would live with him again.

The shaking had started later, when most of the blood had been washed off her hands, when she was standing in the locker room at the station, changing into a t-shirt without any blood on it.

That was when she realized he hadn't answered her.

Walking back to Voight's office she was adamant about going to Med to see Jay. She needed to know he was okay; he'd looked so broken sitting there at the back of the ambulance.

She'd failed him.

Her hands shook as she opened the door. Hank was sitting in his chair, still doing paperwork. This case had been hard on everyone, even him.

"I need to see him," Erin blurted out, she couldn't get there fast enough.

Hank looked up at her, face still neutral but she could tell he was thinking about what to say to her, weighing his words.

"Is he okay?" When he didn't answer her immediately.

"He's resting… Will is there." Hank got up and walked to the front of his desk leaning on it as he crossed his arms.

"So, I still need to see him, Hank…." Erin felt desperate, eyes stinging as she felt tears well up.

"Erin…he's fine, I stopped by him earlier. You know Will…. he, uh… made it clear that no one is going there tonight."

"What!? Come on, Will isn't his keeper, he can't do that!" Erin knew this wasn't going to help her with Voight. He didn't like their relationship, his venomous words about her coming to save her boyfriend was still fresh in her mind.

"Erin…Will is calling the shots right now, Jay will be fine. You can see him later. Right now, we're going home, you are detoxing, you have enough to worry about." Hank looked at her expectantly and Erin knew she had no leverage at all. He had her, if she wanted back, she needed to listen and do as he said.

"Tomorrow then, I'm calling him…" Erin turned and got her phone out of her pocket, finding Jay's number a bit further back in her call history then she remembered.

"Erin, he's resting, come on, he's been though hell. Will is with him," Voight snatched the phone out of her still shaking hands.

She was stunned, but she also knew she had been defeated. She wouldn't be able to see or talk to Jay tonight. It was almost midnight anyway; she would have to wait until tomorrow to see him.

She accepted her fate as Hank put his arm around her back, steering her to the stairs and out of the district, his arm heavy and warm.

She hardly got any sleep that night. If it was because she was in withdrawal or because Jay was on her mind still, she didn't know. Voight had made her turn her phone off and promise to not try to call Jay.

Tossing and turning she couldn't get rid of the sight of him, bloodied and beaten, out of her mind. He hadn't answered her! He was always fine, at least that's what he claimed. Her mind conjured up nightmares when she finally got some shut eye, making her wake up in a cold sweat with his name on her lips.

She got up early, showering, hopeful about finally seeing Jay she slipped down to the kitchen. Hank was an early riser and was already there, having his breakfast, coffee already made.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked, probably already knowing the answer as he took a long look at Erin.

"I'm fine, going over to the hospital to see Halstead. "

Using his last name to try and take some feelings out of her statement, but it felt unfamiliar to call him that.

"Okay," take my car," he pushed his keys across the table, holding her gaze, gauging her.

"Thanks, I'll come to the district after. Thanks Hank." Elated she skipped breakfast, making her way out to the car. Food could wait, she needed to see Jay for herself, to apologize, to tell him how much he really meant to her, that she'd screwed up.

Hurrying through the corridors, she used her star badge for what it was worth, she managed to get the receptionist to tell her where her partner was. Skidding to a halt at the nurses' station, on the floor he was on, she was out of luck.

Visiting hours and policy was strict in the ICU so they didn't let her in to see him. Will had made them promise to not let anyone in to visit him until he was back and as Jay's next of kin they complied to his wishes.

Erin didn't know what to do, angry at Will she tried calling him but all she got was voicemail.

"Hey, I need to see him, it's urgent, there's a case we're working on….and…he's…I just need to…" Erin didn't know what lie she could come up with, to make the nurse standing in front of her let her in to see him.

"I'm sorry, you can't go in there, he's resting, and Dr. Halstead was very clear about anyone seeing him." The nurse's nametag said Sarah, her expression sympathetic as she tried to make Erin understand.

"You don't understand…I really need to see him." Erin felt tears on her face. She was desperate to get this person to understand.

Sarah stood still, just watching Erin as she begged again, tears flowing freely.

"Okay, listen, you can see him for a minute, but don't wake him up, he just fell asleep." Sarah said, taking a hold of Erin's arm steering, her in the direction of where Erin hoped Jay was.

Coming up to the glass door she could see a lump under the blankets that had to be him.

"He was restless and in pain, so I gave him some more morphine a few minutes ago, he's finally sleeping," Sarah whispered as she opened the door, careful not to make any sounds.

Erin entered the room holding her breath. Jay was on his side, the blanket covering him moving with every breath he took. The dark bruises made his skin look chalk white; she could make out his slightly parted pink lips in the dimly lit room. He looked peaceful, asleep. The blips and beeps from the monitors not disturbing him.

She had caused this. Erin remembered Voigt's words spoken in anger, about missing a set of eyes when Jay had been abducted. Guilt raised up her throat making it harder to breathe.

Her tears didn't stop flowing, blurring her vision. Sarah got a paper towel for her, "he's doing okay you know?" She offered along with the paper, whispering.

"Yeah…. it's just…yeah, he'll be alright," she whispered, not taking her eyes off him.

"Come on, you've seen him for yourself now, lets get you out of here before Will shows up." Sarah smiled, ushering Erin out of there.

She turned at the door looking back at Jay one last time before leaving.

**Tbc?**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry for the long wait. Here's more brofeels. Hope you enjoy. **

Jay was annoyed, at Will, at Voight, at his body for obviously failing him. He wasn't good at taking it easy, but Will had conspired against him, so he wasn't cleared for going back to work yet.

He'd been discharged, no lasting injury, just deep bruising and a concussion from being hit on the head repeatedly.

Choi had prescribed pain medication, plenty of rest and fluids. There had been some blood in his urine, it was clearing up but there was still occasionally blood there, the reason his doctor brother was still freaking out.

Will was like a mother hen, checking in constantly, hovering.

Jay was trying to get comfortable on the couch when Will dropped by for the second time that day. He'd dropped by early that morning before his shift and now Will was back, his 12-hour shift already done.

"Jay!" Will was hollering as he opened the door, not afraid of waking his brother up.

Jay didn't answer, just scooted up to sit at the end of the couch. Trying to look like he hadn't been sleeping before waking up to the lock turning.

"Jay? Hi, how you doing?" Will put his bag down, his eyes scanning Jay to determine how he was before Jay had a chance to answer.

The scrutiny made Jay squirm.

"I'm alright," Jay tried to smile, but his anger at the situation made it feel stiff and unnatural. He knew Will could read him well.

"Good, I brought food," Will disappeared into the kitchen, Jay could hear him rummaging around, getting plates.

Entering the living room, a tray of food and large glass of water for Jay. The bottle of pain pills stood there as well.

Will put it down in front of Jay. "Dig in, you need something in your stomach before you take your pills."

They had argued about the pills this morning. Jay refusing as he'd been having vivid dreams and felt out of control when he took them. The dull and floaty feeling, something he despised.

"Will, I don't need them, just give me some Tylenol, I'll be fine." Jay tried, he didn't want to talk to Will about nightmares and flashbacks. He had it under control.

Will didn't push him, Jay was glad, but he also thought it was because Will was on to him. He understood why, but he didn't say anything, much to Jay's relief.

Jay wasn't hungry but he ate what he could manage to please Will. They lounged around on the couch the whole evening, watching the hockey game, Jay occasionally falling asleep, Will letting him, knowing he hadn't slept much the night before. Being tortured had a way of bringing back old demons.

Will was staying, wanting to keep an eye on Jay for another night. Looking over at Jay, slumped down on the couch, his head resting on his hand, mouth open, sleeping deeply. Getting up to clean up the dishes, he tried to be as quiet as possible, collecting plates.

Jay mumbled something in his sleep, growing restless as Will went into the kitchen. He sorted the dishes, knowing Jay was a kind of a neat freak.

Coming back into the living room Jay was tossing and turning, a whimper escaping as he woke himself up. He shot up from his seat, but his bruised body made him groan in pain, as he did a slide down to the floor.

"Easy! Jay!" Will hurried over, getting down on his knees in front of Jay, hands on his brother's shoulders. Jay was stuck between the sofa and the table, breathing through the pain.

"You alright?" Will ducked his head, wanting eye contact, to see if Jay was back with him.

"Ugh, yeah…. shit…" Jay squeezed his eyes shut, blowing out his breaths, trying to will the pain away.

"Slow breaths Jay, slow…" Will's hands roaming over Jay, he ended up pulling him closer, hugging him.

It took Jay a minute to collect himself and to push away from Will.

"You okay?" Will answered getting the hint that Jay needed some distance, having gotten his body and mind back under control.

"Yes, just…bad dream, that's all." At least he was honest Will thought as he stood up and helped pull Jay up on his feet.

Swaying on his feet from the shift in position Will grabbed Jay's arm, steadying him, pulling him along.

"You're going to bed…no more sleeping on the couch tonight."

He steered Jay to the bathroom, leaving the door ajar, not caring about Jay's need for privacy. Leaning against the wall he listened as Jay made himself ready for the night. He could hear a quiet groan and sneaking a peek, he could see Jay trying to get his pants off. But bending down was obviously uncomfortable.

Opening the door Will knew Jay might punch him for intruding, but he entered anyway, without saying anything he bent down and helped Jay step out of his pants. Jay ended up leaning heavily against the sink, his arms shaking, obviously exhausted.

"Thanks," Jay said, voice low, head hanging low between his shoulders.

"You need anything else?" Will was pretty sure Jay was going to sleep in the t-shirt he had on as changing meant moving his shoulders and arms. Leaning on then now was causing him enough discomfort as Will could see Jay's eyes clamped shut, pain evident in his clenched jaw and tight grip on the sink.

"You going to make it Jay?" Will was afraid Jay would have trouble making it to the bedroom.

"Yeah, just…feel a bit sick," Jay stood completely still, breathing though his nose. Putting a hand on Jay's back he could feel the tension in his muscles thought the fabric of his t-shirt. Moving to stand beside him he bent down slightly to see his brother's face.

It didn't take long before Jay bent down further over the sink and lost the food Will had made him eat earlier. The heaving wracked his body, the convulsive movements making him groan as every bruise made itself known.

Knees giving out, Will caught his brother with both arms, hugging him close, leaning back against the wall he slid them both down on the floor.

"Jay! Shit!" Will felt his knees scream at him from the strain of stopping them both from crashing to the floor.

"Ugh…sorry," Jay leaned his head back against Wills shoulder, completely spent.

"You alright?" Will asked, having landed hit butt on the floor, Jay sitting between his legs.

"Sorry." Jay didn't move, just sat still breathing.

"It's alright. Just rest for a minute," Will was unsure of what was going on, maybe Jay was worse off then they'd first thought? Had they overlooked an injury? Was he bleeding internally?

Will put his hand on Jay's forehead after a minute, no fever, just a bit clammy still.

"I'm okay Will, just need some sleep," Jay was trying to downplay what had happened. But by the way he was still leaning against Will, not making a move to get up told a different story.

"You're not okay Jay…You are exhausted, and I'm kind of worried about that Kidney bleed…" Will stated to move Jay forward so that he could get up from behind him and maybe get Jay off to floor and to bed.

"I'm fine, no blood last time I took a leak. The pain made me puke Will, nothing else." For Jay to admit he was in so much pain it made him sick was astonishing to Will.

"Well, why refuse the pain meds then!" Will felt his voice raise in the small bathroom, his worry growing into irritation.

Standing up Will was towering above Jay, looking down at him sitting on the floor back now up against the wall, supporting him.

"Makes me feel weird…" Jay mumbled. Holding his hands out for Will to help him stand up.

"Well, maybe feeling weird isn't such a bad thing Jay…" Will helped Jay up on his feet, making him turn and then pushed him to sit on the closed lid of the toilet.

"Just rest here for a minute, I'll get you a glass of water to rinse your mouth before you head to bed." Will made sure Jay wouldn't fall off the seat before he ran to the kitchen to get the glass. When he got back Jay was right where he'd left him, face still pale, eyes closed.

"Here, take a sip and spit it out in the sink." Jay obeyed, grimacing as he had to turn to spit in the sink.

"So, on a scale from 1 to 10, how the pain right now?"

"Not bad…just, hurts to move…or you know, breathe." Jay smile a wane smile, as he gave the glass of water back to Will.

"Come on, answer, on a scale from 1 to 10…" Will put the glass away, studying Jay, waiting for an answer.

"Uh…maybe a five? I don't know…" Jay shrugged his shoulder, wincing as it hurt.

"Okay, come on, you're going to bed, let's move."

Will shadowed Jay all the way to the bedroom, ready to step in if he faltered or looked like he was about to keel over.

He pulled the covers for Jay, looked on as his brother sat down and pulled his feet up on the bed, before covering Jay up.

Will left to get his medical bag, returning he could see that Jay was still tense and uncomfortable. Rummaging around he found a vial of morphine, a syringe, hypodermic needle and an alcohol wipe. Jay had turned his back to the door, not seeing what Will was preparing behind his back.

He drew up the drug from the vial and got the wipe ready before he approached Jay. He didn't want to argue, but from the spectacular performance in the bathroom earlier Will was adamant about getting Jay some pain relief.

"Jay, I'm giving you some pain meds, just relax, it'll only be a small poke," Will pulled the covers so that he could get access to Jay's hip region, he was going for quick and easy, no arguing by not giving Jay any time to protest.

"mhmm?" Jay was slow and lethargic, only starting to turn over on his back when Will pulled his boxers down a bit to access the area he wanted to stick the needle. He wiped the area and poked Jay with the needle pushing the drug in as fast as he dared. He pushed the plunger with his right hand, with his left he tried to keep Jay from moving.

"Hey!" Will! Ouch!"

It was over quickly, just a few seconds then Will was pulling the needle out of his brother's muscle, as he apologized for what he'd done.

"Will! What did you do?" Jay was outraged by having been injected with something without his consent. "What did you give me?"

"Jay, it was just a small dose of morphine, you'll get some much-needed rest and feel better faster. Trust me."

"I didn't want it!" Jay said, anger pouring out at Will.

"I know, and I'm sorry, we can talk more about it tomorrow." Will covered Jay back up, sitting down on the side of the bed, even if Jay's anger sometimes made him want to keep a distance.

Jay turned away, back to Will, pulling the blankets up to his chin like he was protecting himself.

Will put his hand on his brother's side. Trying to give him comfort and to show that he cared.

"I know there's more that lies beneath all this Jay," Will rubbed his brother's back.

Jay didn't answer, he just sighed, in annoyance or irritation, Will didn't know.

"They practically tortured you for almost 24 hours Jay…" Will felt his brother inhale and hold his breath. "I know you have your demons Jay; I know this has stirred them up again."

Jay let out the breath he's been holding. Like he was surrendering. He didn't say anything so Will just sat there, his hand on his brother, keeping vigil as Jay slowly succumbed to the drug. Finally, able to relax and let go.

**Do you want more or is this enough angst?**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: More angst for those who wasn't scared off from the last chapter. **

Erin isn't sure what brings her to his door. Living with Hank had been hard. Detoxing not something that is conducive for constructive communication and her falling off the wagon and choosing her mother instead of him had hurt everyone around her.

Her boss had welcomed her back, the rest of the team happy to see her. But Jay was missing, Will had kept him off limits in the hospital, she wasn't sure why, but she had a feeling he was trying to protect his brother. All she could think about was how he'd been glad it was her who came and got him out. They hadn't spoken after that.

It had been two days, no word from Jay or Will.

So, there she was, standing outside Jay's door, afraid to knock, afraid to be rejected, that it had all been a hallucination. That Jay wasn't interested in talking to her ever again after what she'd put him through.

Listening intently for anyone beyond the door she couldn't hear any voices. She felt foolish, what if Jay was sleeping, resting and here she was waking him up, just because she needed to see that he was alive.

Detoxing brought restless nights, insomnia making her thoughts spin to where she didn't want them to go. The blood on her hands, Jay's bruised and battered body, his silence as she approached the ambulance, his eyes, always telling her more than his words.

Shaking her dark thoughts away she finally raised her hand and knocked.

Will opened the door, his hair wild, the tv on in the back lighting him up from behind, all lights turned off. The sound is off as well, and Erin thinks she woke him up.

"He's asleep Erin." Will says as a greeting.

"Oh, okay…I just…" Erin didn't know what to say, Will didn't seem like he wanted her anywhere near his brother at the moment.

"Is he okay?" She finally managed; it was what she wanted to know, after all that was why she was there.

"No Erin, he's not. He was beaten and tortured with electricity, he's not okay." Will's voice was harsh, almost whisper, he didn't want the person they were discussing to wake up.

Erin didn't know what to say, she felt stupid, of course Jay wasn't fine after what he'd been put through. She hadn't seen the video, but from what Adam described it had been rough.

"I'm sorry Will...I just, I didn't mean to hurt him." She knew Will was angry at her for something else then the torture Jay had been through and that he was protecting his brother from her. Tears were forming, she had to look down, not wanting Will to notice.

After a moment of silence, Will sighed, he shifted his weight, as of he was reconsidering his tactics.

"Erin, I'm sorry, I'm not really mad at you." Looking up at him she could see regret on his face, his body language changing, slumped shoulders, eyes finding hers.

Nodding at his apology she didn't know what to say, she did feel guilty, it was her fault.

"Jay is really asleep…he uhm, needs to rest."

"Yeah, of course, I just…haven't talked to him since I got him out, and I…needed to see him, you know?" Erin hoped Will understood her need to see that he was alright.

"Come on," Will waved her inside, closing the door behind her.

"I know I've been a bit overprotective since…what happened," with a hand on her back he steered her towards Jay's bedroom. The door was open, a lamp in the corner of his room was on, but it was dimmed down.

She could make out Jay's form under the blankets, his dark hair on the pillow. His features were barely visible in the dark, he looked relaxed, mouth open in sleep, a slight snore.

"I ah…wasn't there for him before, so I guess I'm overcompensating the protective brother thing a bit…" Will smiled at her. Pushing a hand thought his hair as he sighed.

"He's really out of it…he never snores," Erin said, smiling because he was alive right there. He looked vulnerable, the cut on his forehead, the purple bruises standing out.

"Yeah, I might have…you know given him some pain meds that knocked him out for a bit." Will looked down at the floor, a bit embarrassed about what he'd done to Jay.

Erin continued to sturdy Jay. Thankful he was still with them, that she would be able to tell him how sorry she was for hurting him, for pushing him away. Even if they'd never get back together, all she was hoping for was their friendship back.

After a while Jay grew restless, a grunt escaping as he turned his head, then soft mumbling.

Erin wanted to go in there and comfort him but knew that wasn't her job anymore. Will jumped into action immediately, going over to Jay, shushing him, telling him everything was alright, everything was going to be okay.

A hand on Jay's shoulder, a few quiet words that Erin could hear, Will was so tender, making it look like he had done this for his brother before.

Erin felt like an intruder, like she was seeing something she wasn't supposed to see. Jay seemed to calm down quickly when Will touched his shoulder and sat down on his knees to comfort his brother.

She could see Jay open his eyes. Confused blue eyes roaming the room, trying to make sense of his surroundings.

"You're alright, I'm here with you, you're in your apartment, in Chicago," Will was trying to ground him in reality, chasing away whatever dream was making Jay restless.

Jay's eyes closed slowly; the drugs Will had given him was claiming him, pulling him back to sleep. His body relaxed again, breathing evened out.

Erin withdrew from the doorway, as Will was still beside his brother, making sure he was fine.

She wasn't supposed to see this; she was disturbing them. Jay didn't need her there, he had Will.

She closed the door silently behind her as she left the apartment.

**AN: So, is this enough or do you want to see how they ended up at the end of the first chapter?**


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